The Blame Game

I feel miserable. Have a hard time falling asleep and a hard time staying asleep. Wake up to bouts of tears. There are traces of anger, confusion, and pain in the rolling drops. The heart is heavy. And of course, it is all my fault! Like I inflicted this upon myself simply by virtue of choice! I had given him all of me. I even prepared him meals- a big deal as I don’t even do this for myself to show him how much I valued him. We had had a good time, mutually. Almost a relationship…oh, wait…except it isn’t. So we engage in every activity that people in a relationship enjoy together, but I am not allowed to call it that. And neither does this give me the right to feel angry when I am being ignored or to ask a few questions. Alas, I am being unreasonably demanding! No pun intended here. But I didn’t sign up for this. And then there is that “you have changed. Can you go back to the Mariam I first met?” And I am left wondering, how I can go back to being who I am when I am already me. He is making me believe that I have become this crazy demanding woman, probably hinting at clinginess. Back up now, as far as I know, I was only expecting the bare minimum. I am not a loose cannon, who has his phone ringing off the hook or setting off his IM notifications on a frenzy. Maybe I should have, and then I would be guilty of the accusations. Why, am I being put on trial for a crime I never committed. It’s all a setup. So I sit here wondering…What is wrong with men these days? They claim you are awesome, one of a kind, lovely. They claim they connect with you and enjoy spending time with you. And yet, they don’t want to commit. WTF?!! If they don’t want to commit to someone “as awesome as you” who also happens to be someone they have a connection with, who do they want to invite into their lives? Please, Quora answer this question. I am sane, I would be stupid to let go of a potential partner who I connect with because a good connection is hard to come by these days, with most men not able to hold my attention even before a date ends. I want to scream. This agitation is brutal. I panic. And the cycle continues. More than anything I wish he was here, calming me. Apologizing for being a prick, and for making all of this my fault. If you know me, you know I have cried for a few men, only when I was young and frail…and when I bid farewell to my soul mate. The rest have come and gone. Not a single tear was wasted. Why then is this man, pulling the reigns? There has been no one quite like him in a long time, So what if I have feelings..it isn’t my fault. And clearly, he did too. He wouldn’t have kissed me the way he did or held me so warmly. He can deny it all he wants, but I know he felt it too, perhaps not as intensely, but he did. So own up to it mister. Be proud of me. Or let me go. Too soon you say, and I say there is never a wrong time for something good. What we have is beyond good, it is what keeps us both happy! Unless you were a very good actor….and u had me fooled… The blame game then, I conclude, is nothing but a game. Let it be just that, and nothing more. You play along, dodge all the traps and emerge, victor, level-by-level.

Retirement, A normal step in the cycle of life

I don’t know how to sugar coat things and will not be apologetic about my bluntness with regard to the truth. So I hope no political party leader will be threatening me to apologize; and if they are on their toes to come my direction, here’s a piece of advice, “if you don’t like what you hear about yourself, there must be something that needs fixing!”

Unfortunately, political participants in India are beyond repair and hence should retire, to make room for the pragmatic youth who are both educated and globally conscious. While they lack the experience factor, they live the problems and are aware of the solutions. Sadly, their voices get filtered through the corrupt government system, leaving them either frustrated or on the hospital bed succumbing to extortion injuries.

India is my country, and I would hate for it to be anything less than a global economic and social power. But, unless we heed to young energy and sound judgment, I do not see us making headway in anything but corruption and a failed government system.

Many citizens deem that the problems inherent are beyond repair; that no one who goes into the system is safe from the vice. Have any of these pessimists given a thought to changing this irrelevant system? This can only happen if the current players are entirely replaced by those who more reasonable and conscious of the current state of affairs. We, the citizens, have been given the power to bring about this much needed alteration.

Not wanting to tackle too many issues in one post, I’d like to draw the readers’ attention to one of the most revered parties in the state of Maharashtra- the Sena. They must obviously be loved, or why in the world would anyone in their right mind elect them? Because save for creating divides between Hindus, Muslims and the west, they have achieved very little!

For one thing, they must love the paparazzi. Sometimes I doubt if the Thackerays even form a political party, or just a group catering to media hype; because, I have not been able to connect their actions with anything that is logically sound. The recent events surrounding the IPL and Shahrukh Khan’s comment are exemplary of their preposterous ways. I recommend they take time off from public life, and catch up on some history reading. Perhaps they have forgotten that Pakistan was once a part of India, and Pakistanis are all essentially Indian and vice versa. So instead of promoting unity with our neighbor, they are clearly sabotaging the future safety of the region. Also, some fact checking on their part would do us all some good- there are more Muslims in India than there are in Pakistan. Can we deem an entire country or religion radical based on the actions of some fanatics? If yes, then how would all Hindus like to be deemed coldblooded based on senior leader Bal Thackrey’s position about Muslims? The actions of the religiously inclined political factions do not scare, but rather disgust me. As a human rights activist who has worked on the issues of ethnic cleansing and genocide, I wonder if what the Thackrey’s are stirring toward is genocide of all Muslims. I am beginning to question my impression of India as a country where tolerance, unity and diversity thrive.

Moreover, the threats to ban a movie based on Bollywood star Shahrukh Khan's stance on including Pakistani players in the IPL are wholly baseless. I salute Khan for not dislodging from his position. The Badshaah of Bollywood can be assured that I will continue to stand by him and I invite every member of society to join me. How much longer can we stomach the Sena's unjustified hatred toward Muslims and the west, and their deficient concern for urgent issues? Fortunately for us normal members of society, and unfortunately for the Sena and their alliances, the present generation of both nations comprehend the unity that is both crucial and inevitable. If the party leaders would do so much as to direct their attention, energy, and resources toward more pressing issues like poverty and unemployment eradication, population control, pedestrian safety, universal health and education, development of civil services, cracking down on corruption, and law- enforcement they would be guaranteed of my support. If they cannot do the needful, I suggest they yield the way for others who will.

This leads to another current topic that is clouding the youth in India- the ban on V-Day celebrations. While I am not a proponent of exhibiting love on any single day, I don’t believe it is anyone’s place to dictate terms for someone else. How is exchanging gifts and roses obscene? If V-day is a negative influence of the west, how would they explain the Kamasutra and the sculptures adorning the Khajuraho temples, both symbols of Indian heritage? It is ironic, that India welcomes international BPOs and their business, but when it comes to adopting the west’s social influence, there is a bold NO ENTRY! This is precisely why the ancient generation should say their farewells and make room for the pragmatically driven younger populace who would attack the real problems, instead of thriving on issues that are the product of their imagination.

On a concluding note, I’d like to reiterate, that respect by force is disrespect, whereas respect by deeds is embraced. Hope this wakes some of our snoring officials to the realization that old people need to rest, in their homes!

The Brain that Killed a Mind

This is my account of the Feb 13th Terrorist Blast in Pune. I tried to get it published but in vain. The city papers apparently only publish spam!

My phone buzzed with calls from friends and family. This was the first that this had happened in a span of thirty minutes. The screams of the crowd and the loud music blaring from the speakers were making it hard for me to hear their words. All I could indistinctly hear was, “blast…you ok?”

Then the texts came pouring in, and I was able to piece the puzzle; there had been a cylinder blast at a joint I frequented in Koregoan Park.

Despite the fact that the band was phenomenal, I was distracted by thoughts of the bakery staff; I knew them. Their faces and smiles flashing before my eyes, “I just hope they are not injured.”

Soon, my friends sent word of media reports announcing that there has been a bomb blast. Let me confess that I wasn’t ruling out the hand of a local faction of the political group that has been behind the banning of Shahrukh’s movie. Neither was I ruling out a terrorist attack by a radical Muslim group. It all seemed unreal and the only thing that mattered was that innocent lives had been lost, and I couldn’t contain my tears and disgust at what had happened. It couldn’t be a terrorist attack, I tried to compose myself and called whomever I knew that frequented the joint or resided in the vicinity.

It was quite a task trying to put these horrifying thoughts out of my mind and to enjoy Parikrama. Following the concert, my friend and I rushed to the sight dodging the road barricades. We noticed the mob that had amassed the area with a curiosity akin to ours.

And there it was, or wasn’t; the German Bakery that served as my hang out for the fresh spread of fruit juices and burgers, and the structure that enveloped a friendly ambience, had come crumbling down.

An onlooker then pointed to us a brain that lay partially exposed under a pile of plastic sheets. While I wasn’t carrying a camera, the sight is engraved in my mind.

This brain, once part of a living body, was now left to be exhibited to the press and curious onlookers. While I was sickened by the pool of blood soaking the brain, I was more disturbed about the brain that dissected this one from its body. This creature’s brain clearly had to have been disconnected from his heart, to have not had any remorse for what he is about engage in.

Lives have been lost; at the end of it all, it is not a matter of knowing the victims or not, it is about humanity- a phrase referred to as “insaniyat” in our national language, which binds us all together. But truly speaking, we are all disfranchised from one another.

The culprits may or may not be identified, but the damage has been done and until we resort to addressing the origins of the problem, let us accept that such events will continue to be a part of the fabric of life. Now, it is for us to decide if we will stand by such deep stains, or work together toward a maintaining a spot-free textile.

There is evidently no logic to hatred, to crime, or to violence. Yet, we have grown to accept them as inevitable. But this need not be the case. Violence leads to more violence and peace is never guaranteed with arms. I fear for the aftermath of the event; my gut feeling tells me that we should be prepared for increased animosity between Hindus and Muslims, considering the unfolding of recent events and both groups playing the blame game. This is not to say that we should overlook the deeply rooted animosity between the two, once united lands.

Instead, a dialogue forum is long overdue. I propose one that would offer all political groups and smaller factions the opportunity to chalk out their differences, and this can be done successfully by first bringing to the table, their commonalities. Clearly, this is not going to be an easy task, but let us not forget that no successful peace accord has been a cat walk. Rome was to take longer than a day to be built, but this didn’t keep the Romans from building their empire!

If only the perpetrator of the blast would have stopped and pictured the consequences of such loathing, the brain that lay in cold blood would have been performing wonders.